Has Jasper really been a part of my world for six months already? It feels like MUCH longer. Like she has always been here. She has 100% made herself at home. She knows where her home is and she’s actually quite smart. She’s also very much a royal PITA on the days she doesn’t get enough exercise or attention. Often time my neighbors can hear me saying “what is in your mouth, Jasper”, or “bring it to mama” or “Jasper Lily, for the LOVE OF GOD give me some space”! I get that I am her WHOLE world and she is a small piece of my world but she is indeed becoming a bigger part of it.

And that every night goes a little like this — my Facebook status from earlier this week:

List of things Jasper has had in her mouth tonight in the hour I have been home from work.
1. My shoes
2. The remote
3. My iPad
4. My winter coat
5. The bedroom door frame
6. The pillows on the couch

I love that she is so happy to see me when I get home, even if only it is because she has to potty and she would be happy to see the mailman if he let her outside.

I love that she gets excited around meal times – as if it is the most important part of her day.

I love that she squeals with delight when we go for our 2nd walk in the morning (yup, she gets 2 walks before work – I get a LOT done between 4:30 a.m. and 7:15 a.m.).

I love how when we go for our walks, she is so focused, as if she is working and pays no attention (aka does not lunge) at any other dogs. I still wish she would hurry up a bit faster though.

I love that if she is sleeping on the couch and since you never wake a sleeping baby, I will sneak past her to bed and w/in minutes, she comes running in, begging to get up on the bed. I love how when she first gets on the bed, she rolls around with such glee – as if it is the best thing she has ever felt – knowing she probably spent nights on the street or fighting for her own space in the hoarding home.

I love that is learning to embrace many of her fears and I no longer find her under the bed or cowering in a corner. I love how when I tell her “no bark”, she still continues with the ‘growlies’ as if to have the last word – always. That is 100% Shelby right there!

And I love best when she is peaceful and sleeping. I know that I will miss the puppy days … there is so MUCH more to Jasper then could ever be put on her Petfinder bio. She has blossomed and I think this is the REAL Jasper Lily.

So Jasper Lily… here’s to another six months and many more. Thank you for worming your way into my heart and understanding that my heart is still missing the “love of my life” and you are happy and able to share. You are a good little dog with so much love to give!

Jasper’s Petfinder Photo

Together … we can enjoy the beach!

“What, madre? You mean you didn’t want me to eat out of the trash and pull your socks and tights out of the drawer while you were in the shower?”

“Let’s play, madre, let’s play!”

FINALLY!!!! She does sleep!

Even though I couldn’t reach my wine, I wasn’t going to wake her…

Jasper Lily had an exciting couple of weeks. I was off for about 10 days for winter break and got to spend all my time with her. She loved having me home. It meant long and more frequent walks, trips to the dog park, hiking, lunch dates, cocktail dates and extra cuddles and naps.

Jasper celebrated her first Christmas with me with a ton of presents! She had more fun with the wrapping than the actual presents.

Her first Tree

Presents

“What mess, Madre”???

It was then off to hike with a friend and her dog and then lazy time around the house with movies, popcorn and wine! Perfect holidays. Jasper is about a year younger than her buddy Hobbes but definitely has way more puppy in her. It’s like someone turns on Jasper’s batteries and she just goes, goes, goes!

We attempted to house-sit for a friend that had a cat and while the cat was dog-friendly, it was definitely not Jasper Lily friendly. After one sleepless night with a hiding cat and a barking Jasper, I decided it would be best for everyone if Jasper and I returned to our home and just me visited the cat. Jasper’s desire to ‘chase’ and ‘get the kitty’ is unlike any I have ever seen with a dog. She’s relentless when she gets focused on something; be it chasing cats or destroying toys.

We are attempting to ban ‘fluffy’ toys from the home this year. I have never seen a dog chew like Jasper. She could chew through steel if she had the chance. Seriously aggressive. I found her a toy that was marketed as indestructible AND had an on/off button but Jasper not only chewed through the fabric BUT has figured out how to turn the squeaker back on.

We spent lots of time at the dog bark where she become quite barky. It must be her breed. She finds that one dog that she has to chase and won’t stop. And the barking. In its face. Non-stop. Lately that is why we are leaving the park because I cannot listen to the barking.

Jasper and I celebrated NYE together – on east coast time. I can’t stay up until midnight anymore and Jasper puts herself to bed at 8/830 p.m. When I woke up 2015, I did look for Shelby before I remembered it’s just me and Jasper now.

And today is her birthday. They told me she was  year and half when I got her which would put her with a January 2013 birthday which is about two. God help us all if she truly has the ‘terrible twos’. I think she’s coming into her own, out of her shell. She loves the beach now.

Happy Birthday!

It’s a dog’s life at the beach

Loves the car!

She loves the car. She rides like a pretty girl in the back seat – proud of herself. She is very brave – all the time. She exhibits such confidence I didn’t know was possible from her. For a rescue dog, her progress in such a short amount of time, is remarkable to me. I am so proud of her!!! She is a really great little dog.

Shelby sent me a good little friend. Shelby knew what she was doing when she brought me to Jasper. She knew my heart would be slow catch up but Shelby always had more confidence in me than I did in myself. I do love my little Jasper Lily. She has wormed her way into my heart. She is silly, fun, serious, smart – all at the same time. So here’s to 2015 – embarking on our first full year together!

Oh and before I forget, Jasper saw me crying buckets last week over my Shelby… and for the first time, she nestled her little nose in my life and tried to lick away the tears. As if she was saying, “it’s OK, Madre, I will always love you. I am here for you. Lean on me”.

I will, little Jasper Lily … I will always protect you and I will always lean on you!

Almost 6 months since Jasper came to live with me and she conquered two of her biggest fears to date; the beach and riding in the car.

Jasper rides ON the seat!

At first I thought it was a fluke when Jasper scrambled to get in the back seat of my car last week as opposed to her usual floor position on the passenger side (all while shooting me daggers with her eyes). But today, as we drove to the dog park, she sat in the backseat like a good girl and was pretty relax. Leaving the dog park, she seemed happy and settled. As we drove home, I thought since it was sunset, we should check out the sunset by the beach (about 3/4 mile from our home). And see if she still feared it.

She did GREAT!!!

Watching the sunset

I cannot believe how much she has grown in the 6 months with me. She has come out of her shell, embraced her life and people always tell me “what a happy dog”. Shelby was a “happy dog” from day one. Jasper has become a happy dog and that fills my heart with tremendous pride and joy.

I don’t believe it’s anything really I have done – I have been exasperated, annoyed and less than willing to open my heart to her. But she has worked really hard and I am so proud of her. So proud! She is such a good little dog.

She will never be Shelby nor does she want to be (nor do I). But Shelby sent her to me. Shelby wanted me to smile. Shelby wanted to cut me some slack for the years and years of “bad dog” behavior.

I’ve made it no secret that I detest the holidays but at the urging of some friends here, I got Jasper a baby tree. I am going to make her first Christmas with her forever family the absolute best that it can be. I had to make her a little ornament since I couldn’t find the kiosk at the mall that sells the ones with the names. All of Shelby’s ornaments are there too. And I got Jasper a new holiday collar and a ton of toys that I will try and wrap when she isn’t looking. 🙂

Christmas tree and her ornament (and Shelby’s too)

New holiday collar

I want Jasper to feel all the love that she has never felt and know that she is safe with me. My heart is still forever broken and I miss Shelby every day BUT I do feel love for Jasper. I care deeply for her. And I think she loves me too! 🙂

I will try and keep this short but you all know how much I can write! 🙂

Jasper Lily is the perfect size to take on a plane. She fits great in the little under the seat carriers so I hoped she would be a great travel companion. I’ll admit, I was anxious about taking her on a plane (those sounds + her ears). But with the help of some modern medicine, she did great.

For those who have never traveled with a dog on the plane, it’s pretty simple. They are your carry-on. She had to come out of the carrier to go through security and they just swabbed my hands as a security check (pretty easy if you ask me). She can be out of the carrier before the flight so we walked through the airports (she looked so proud in her thunder shirt). During the flight, she had to stay in her carrier but I would reach in a check on her. She was snoozy central (drugged).

After we arrived in Seattle, we got the rental car and drove to my mom’s. As normal, Jasper hated the car and sat on the floor. I am sure she was terrified on so many levels and I kept telling her it was OK and she would be fine.

We got to mom’s house and she quickly peed and in the house to meet my mom. She was thrilled to meet Jasper Lily. My mom loved Shelby so much but she also knew how sad and heartbroken I was with Shelby’s passing. She fell in love with Jasper right away.

My mom has a wooden dog that looks very real. Jasper was spooked (of course) and wouldn’t stop barking. For about 3 hours! For a dog that didn’t bark, she sure found her voice this trip. She would bark at my mom every morning when we came up from the basement where we were sleeping, in a twin bed that we were able to share (God bless a dog that goes small and flat).

Jasper adapted great to her new ‘home’ for the week. She loved all the new smells, sights, sounds (lots of squirrels …. LOTS). She wore her little coats since it was a cooler than LA. Her routine was slightly off due to vacation sleeping in but she was chillax. She played with her toys (fluff – everywhere) was a great guest, made herself right at home.

My mom noticed a couple things about Jasper; every time I would leave, Jasper would sit by the door and then sit on the couch with the saddest eyes she’d ever seen on a dog. Jasper was truly blue. My mom noticed how Jasper always had to be near me, touching me or in the general area. She followed me everywhere. My mom said that Jasper really, really loves me and it’s obvious how much I do love her and how I am meant to be a dog-mom.

Jasper played and played a lot! She’s still exhausted (which is fantastic). Jasper got to go for long walks around the lake near my mom’s home. She got to experience rain and snow. She played in the snow, ran in the rain and embraced the cold. She was – without a doubt – an amazing companion. She met many of my Seattle friends. Everyone fell in love with her while always acknowledging the loss that I still feel from Shelby.

And we bonded. I truly feel this trip tipped our relationship – I genuinely wanted to be around her. I wanted to hold her, cuddle her, walk with her. I showed her the places that Shelby and I would go. I recognize and respect the vast differences in our relationship. I also allowed myself to fully love and fall in love with her.

I miss Shelby every single day – some mornings I would wake up and be confused and look for Shelby. But Shelby gave us our space and our time to get to know each other. Shelby didn’t visit during this trip. And that did make me sad. But it also shows how mature and wise Shelby is – she wanted me and Jasper to have this moment, this time, to develop our relationship better.

It is going to be hard to go back to work after spending the last week with Jasper non-stop. I might actually miss her! 🙂

She became a cuddle dog, a vocal dog, a lover dog and a friend. She trusts me and is letting her walls down and I am doing the same.

Well done Shelby Lynne … well done! You found me a great friend. You knew that with your loss I would want to go home more and it was always hard with having to board you so you found me a little friend that can go to Seattle with me. You knew that things would be hard on me as I started to deal with the realities of getting older, figuring out my place on this earth (we’re not moving but we don’t love it here anymore) and basically … life. So you sent me a baby to help guide me over the next several years. Thank you, my love!

And Jasper Lily … thank you for being patient, being a great dog, being a good friend and for loving me. I feel your love and I hope you feel the love that I have developed for you. And thank you for understanding the special place Shelby will always have in my heart and soul.

And as they say … a picture is worth a thousand words … here’s a few from our trip!

Leaving LAX – she was terrified!

Cozy, cozy for her … no leg room for me!

On my mom’s lap – growling at the wooden dog.

First walk in the leaves!

Chasing squirrels!

More squirrels.

It was COLD! So we bundled up for a long walk around the lake.

Her first trip to Starbucks! And she met my BFF from waaaaay back!

Mom’s chair. Jasper LOVED this chair. She would only sit there when we weren’t around.

Post Thanksgiving coma. She had a couple bites of turkey but that was it.

Hunting squirrels. I wish we had a window in the apt she could look out. She loved it!

Watching the snow….

Jasper’s first snow! Our last day there we got about an inch. It was awesome, cold and so much fun. She did great.

When it stopped snowing, it was about 25 degrees. That is pretty cold for us.

Getting ready to leave Seattle… sadness…

Tons of dogs on the flight. She was the best. No barking from her.

And she’s home! While I was unpacking ,she grabbed up all her babies and cozied up on the couch…. she’s still snoozy time.

It has been five months since I first met Jasper Lily and welcomed her into my home. A home that I built with Shelby and that have now found the space in my heart and home for new love.

I do wonder if Jasper fully understands that THIS place is HER space and she isn’t going to be discarded, relocated (well maybe if I move but she will be with me) or ignored. Work is hard. The hours are long. But I make time for Jasper – each morning and each night. We have two walks in the morning (and sadly, usually neither walk produces a poop which makes me feel bad for her that she has to sit at home for 8+ hours without a proper poop). Some mornings she even gets a little run. She’s up to two miles now. She’s speedy and moves along at a good clip.

She always seems to be ‘looking over her shoulder’ on her walks. Where Shelby was happy, engaged and friendly, Jasper seems to really take that “working dog” thing to another level. Maybe it is her breed, maybe it is her fears, but she definitely isn’t fun and games on a walk. She tends to ignore most other dogs (which is great since Shelby would do her Ferdinand the Bull impression and try and act like a bad ass).

Jasper LOVES her toys – oh does this girl love her toys. The more fluff, the more squeak, the better. She loves tennis balls too. Such a simple toy but she pulls the fluff off – manically – and the tosses it around the apt. She loves when I will play WITH her but she plays alone pretty well too.

We are still working on “quiet” cuddle time on the couch. It isn’t her preference to be up there with me but now that she has discovered she likes the back of the couch, we can share better.

We picked her out a sweater at the store this weekend for her trip to Seattle in about 10 days. We are flying up (she fits great in her carrier). I am a little nervous about traveling with her but it should be fine. I’ve got some sedatives to make the flight better for her (and her dumbo ears) and she’ll have her toys with her. Considering she likes enclosed, small and tight places, she should really embrace being in a carrier under a seat. Fingers crossed!

She still hates riding in the car BUT she is getting better. She WILL come out from under the console and look around a bit more – sometimes with fear, sometimes with joy. She did love the other night listening to the musical “Cats”. Perhaps it is because she loves to chase cats. It is awful. We cannot go where there are cats – at all. She knows where they all live on our walks and stalks them. Last week, she pulled away from me and got up close and personal with one. By the time I got up there, Jasper was full on flat, submissive and crying. The cat never touched her. I can only assume there was a growl as the cat stood its ground.

Jasper’s low growls are becoming less and less – still freaks me out when she bolts out of a room and hides under my bed. She did ‘zoomies’ this a.m. under the bed and came out the other side. There isn’t that much space under my bed as I store things there but I guess it’s like an obstacle course for her. When work dies down a bit, I want to see about getting her in some agility classes. Daycare has been great for her.

I do love Jasper Lily. I really do. But I do not feel the same “love” that I felt for Shelby. One of my friends remarked to me over the weekend that she found it interesting that I still grieve so hard for Shelby and yet I seem happy with Jasper. I definitely think there is a part of my heart and soul that feels guilt and disloyal to Shelby. Not that I think our love story will ever be diminished by my new fur-baby but that it is taking longer for the heart to catch up to the mind. There is no doubt that Shelby sent me Jasper to bring me smiles and comfort me (however, Jasper still sucks at comforting tears). Shelby remains my heart dog, my soul mate, my one true love. But Jasper isn’t trying to compete with that. Jasper has her own baggage that she has brought into this relationship and while I don’t know what all her baggage is, it is deep and it is thick. And I love to see her breaking down her little walls. It saddens me when she’s playing and trying to get me to play with her and I do and she goes flat on her belly – ears back, tail between her legs – like I am going to hurt her. My hope for her is that one day, she will relax, even if just for an hour, and realize the world isn’t as scary as she thinks it is and let herself fully embrace life. But until then, I’ll keep showing her affection, giving her as much love as I can and taking care of her and giving her the best possible life she could ever want.

Safety First! Lights for my black dog!

Snoozy girl in her fleece jacket!

Frog legs … I love how she stretches like this! This is my favorite pose for her.

Jasper says “What, Madre, no beuno on the top of the couch”??? Shelby used to do this and it make me crazy cause she would smoosh all the pillows.

Dog Park Fun!

Snoozy Jasper Lily …. I love that she sleeps with her ears up – always.

I wanted to update Jasper’s blog last week but I got the news that my best friend’s dog had joined Shelby (and others) over the Rainbow Bridge and it just seemed irrelevant somehow.  It still rocks my inner core to learn of one of our fearless four-legged (and sometimes three) companions losing their earthly journey. And it reminds me that Jasper is living on borrowed time. I still can’t help but look at her and wonder, what will happen? How long will we have together? Was I really this insane to go down this road again?

But then Jasper does something so incredibly “Jaspery” and it brings me back to why Shelby sent her to me. She put Jasper in my home to make me smile and laugh again. She brought her there to dry my tears and bring me comfort (even though Jasper is FAR from a snuggle pooch).

Jasper continues to make herself incredibly comfortable in her new home. I wonder if she has truly figured out that she is here to stay. There are times that she still bolts and hides (under my bed seems to be her ‘safe zone’) for reasons unbeknownst to me. Last week, I found her not only UNDER the bed but on TOP of the bin that contains ALL of Shelby’s old costumes, outfits, collars. There isn’t a ton of space under my bed but Jasper really seems to make herself go super flat. Which is encouraging since as much as I love seeing “frog-leg” Jasper go long … I love that she will fit in the airline approved carrier. She isn’t a fan of being carried in it but I am hoping that with some slight sedation, she will relax completely for her quick 2 1/2 hour flight to Seattle in November! I am a bit anxious because what if I get her up there and I can’t get her back for some reason?

Jasper is petrified of Halloween decorations. I just wish, wish, WISH she would understand the world isn’t that scary and if she would just try and enjoy life, it would be so much better for her. It’s probably mean that I laughed at her but still… her ‘big dog bark’.

She has stopped barking at home! Only when the doorbell rings which is acceptable. So the spray bottle seemed to help since I haven’t had to spray her in weeks!

She LOVES her toys! Loves her babies … she goes through a few a week. She is so meticulous when she attacks them … I catch her silently chewing on an ear or a tail and just making small progress before she pulls out the squeaker and then fluff goes everywhere. Unlike Shelby who would attack violently, Jasper is much more dainty. I look at her little teeth gnawing away. It keeps her occupied for hours. The rescue was not kidding when they told me she was independent and liked to play by herself.

She has developed some bad habits though and it’s very hard to discipline a ‘submissive’ dog. I’ve never struck her but when I tell her NO with any force or “Bad Dog”, she runs and hides from me – for hours. Then she cowers around me. I don’t yell at her nearly as much as I yelled at Shelby (Shelby was the ultimate bad dog as much as I loved her, we had many, many incidents with naughty behavior). But sometimes, face first in the trash demands a strong talking to!

She does like adventures; she loves the dog park, she loves to go to Petsmart/Petco. People always comment how ‘pretty’ she is. She is friendly to almost everyone. Doesn’t really pay much attention to other dogs when she is on her leash at the store. Getting braver in the car and the beach, while it is still moderately scary for her, it’s getting much better. I see improvement in her. I do care greatly for her; I do tell her I love her. And she does show me MORE than she loves or likes me.

Oh and we can file production vans under the list of things Jasper is afraid of. They are filming either a commercial or something near our apt and this a.m. on our walk, Jasper was very spooked by the big trucks, the equipment and all the people out and about at 4:45 a.m. She gave a warning bark and then low growled herself all the way home … and under the bed she went!

And for your daily dose of Jasper Lily photos … what a difference a few months makes. 🙂

Sundays are “drink wine with your dog day”… outdoor dining! – I am really, really hoping the black comes back on her nose from where she rubbed it off at the vet.

She’s rocking her SPCA bandanna!

Can we say spoiled???

Sticking her tongue out at the Halloween decorations

I was getting ready for work and came out and saw this … just a dog and her babies!

Sorry, madre… I didn’t mean to eat out of the trash. Again.

Has it only been four months since Jasper Lily found her fur-ever home with me? It feels like she’s been with me MUCH longer but in reality, she’s only been a fixture in my day to day life for about four months.

And what an interesting four months it has been. Jasper continues to come out of her little shell and I think she is realizing (I hope) that my home is her home. She definitely makes herself at home there.

In the past month, Jasper has dealt with my increased work schedule (as in longer days at home without her madre), a mini spa vacation (aka boarding at the vet) and more trips to the dog park. She loves the dog park. Hates riding in the car to get there. She always rides on the floor (but as the vet told me when he saw her out there, it’s fine and she feels safe) but she always looks/acts like it’s a personal assault on her. I still need to look into getting her a cap to shield her vision.

She makes friends easily at the dog park – she is pretty fearless, provided we are in the small dog park with dogs about her size. She will, still, throw punches and push other dogs out of the way to get the tossed ball but she won’t always bring the ball back. I know it’s because the park is mostly bark and she doesn’t like that stuff in her mouth. But she runs and is one of the fastest dogs there. She can usually get to the ball faster than the other dogs. This past weekend, she took to digging (manically) at a hole in the park. And then would dash off like a bat out of hell. It was literally the most hilarious thing I have seen in a really long time. And pure joy for Jasper. I love to see her happy.

At home, she is pretty routine oriented. We get up (on average) between 5/5:30 and she hits the ground running. She gets a quick lap around the block and then I’ll go workout and then come back for breakfast time for her. She’d had some trouble with bile vomiting so we discovered we need to time her meals closer together so her belly doesn’t get too empty. Then it’s play, play, play while I get ready for work. My apt looks like a build a bear store exploded every single morning. Thank GOD for the 2 for $5 at Petco. She goes through toys quickly! And her bones. And I love to watch her carry her babies across the room. She doesn’t hoard them as much as she did in the beginning since I think she’s accepted these are HER toys and hers alone.

Hola Madre!

This is usually the look I get right before I leave for work. Breaks my heart but she enjoys her days at home (I think). She’s always happy to see me.

Pre-work playtime (love the frog legs)

She did great at the vet but she scratched her little nose in one of the cages and I am anxious for her black to grow/ come back on her face. They said she was very friendly yet a bit timid (unlike Shelby who always had a blast there) but overall, no main issues. They all spoke to her in Spanish so I am sure she was in heaven.

She still continues to have her random ‘low-growl’ moments. Out of the blue, she will start to growl and signal she is uncomfortable with something. I have no clue what she sees or hears (I have created a new hashtag for her #jasperseesdeadpeople). It is truly bizarre and most often happens in the middle of the night. Yesterday and this morning I woke up and turned over and saw her sitting – literally right next to me – staring at me. It’s like living with Linda Blair from the Exorcist. I swear, if she starts spinning her head or vomiting green, back to Mexico she goes!

#jasperseesdeadpeople

She wasn’t thrilled when I packed but I am hopeful that I can bring her home with me at Thanksgiving. She does fit in a pet approved suitcase and it’s much better than this one.

Take me, mama, take me!

All in all… it’s been a good four months getting to know each other. Jasper still isn’t 100% connected to me or my moods and that is OK. I do appreciate and respect her independence. We are about to embark on my least favorite time of year – the holidays. I’ve never been much for holidays and pretty much the highlight was taking Shelby for her Santa photos. I will probably do that for Jasper but I don’t know if we will go all out. Shelby was a natural with the camera and looked great in all the holiday attire. Jasper isn’t much for dressing up; not that she won’t do it BUT that I don’t have as much joy doing it to her. Although, this is pretty cute/funny .. what dog in LA doesn’t need a winter cap?

Jasper is definitely a much different dog than Shelby … in good ways and bad ones. She does not listen – I swear, I think she likes to pretend she doesn’t hear me (how can she not w/those ears) or understand me (English isn’t her first language) but I have to pick her up to move her sometimes. For 19 pounds she is incredibly strong. She isn’t nearly as affectionate as Shelby was but perhaps I don’t show her enough affection either. I tell her daily that I love her (in English and Spanish) and that she is safe w/me. I try and talk to her a lot but she does do her own thing. But come bedtime, for me, even if she has already put herself to bed, I can’t slip into the room w/out her waking up and reaching up to be lifted up to my bed with me. Jasper Lily .. you are a very good dog and I am very glad that I have you in my life. You have brought smiles back to my world. I know Shelby watches over us and keeps us safe … I did miss you (which surprised me a bit) while I was away. And I was happy to bring you home. But it was different. Shelby was always SO happy to come home and Jasper seemed indifferent. I still maintain that she has a few walls of her own up as someone suggested – as a street dog, she was probably really good at being emotionally reserved. We are finding our way … to many more months!

Ironically, Jasper Lily’s three month celebration comes on the same anniversary of the one year marker from when I found out Shelby had cancer. So I am really hoping that little Jasper Lily can deal with the heat long enough to bring me some smiles later this afternoon when I get home.

What a few months and a summer Jasper and I have had … she has proven herself time and time again. She is such a GOOD little dog with some very obscure quirks. She still barks and freaks out at ‘air’ which I can only assume those dumbo ears must hear things the rest of the world does not. Or she’s being haunted by the spirit of Shelby!

This summer Jasper and I went to several outdoor movies together. Our last was a couple of weeks ago and we ended up having to hike up 1 1/2 miles through Will Rogers State Park since parking was full. She was a trooper! I carried our pack of supplies and she marched along side of me – on a mission – like a good working dog should. Aside from my prohibiting her from eating mass quantities of horse crap, she did great. She still has some mega food/boundary issues (as she ate 1/2 of a chocolate cupcake). But she’s a great, loving and affectionate dog.

Movie night with her babies! – She was happy but of course with the ‘resting bitch face’.

Jasper definitely likes to go but she doesn’t like to be in the car. I don’t know what it is about my car (or my driving) but she sits on the floor in the front seat and shoots me daggers. She never balks at getting in the so I have no clue. The world would be a much more enjoyable place for her if she was a normal dog that like to ride in the car and look out the window.

She also goes to daycare once a week. It’s been great to get some of her energy out in the middle of the week. I had forgotten what it’s like to have a youthful, energetic dog around. Shelby would be energetic or sloth like depending on my mood. Jasper, not so much. She did get into a scuffle, I suspect, when she came home with a pretty mark on her face. I think it made her even more bad ass than usual with her resting bitch face.

She also loves the dog park. For the most part, she’s friendly and playful. She still exhibits submissive behavior but I am happy to see her outgrowing that. She did throw a few punches at a dog a couple weeks ago. But otherwise she likes to fetch and herd the other dogs. If she is, indeed, an Australian Kelpie, this is normal behavior.

At home, from the second I wake up to when we go to bed it’s “squeak, squeak, squeak” with her toy. She has a favorite one and she cannot wait to carry it around and bite on it. She LOVES to chew. Anything and everything. Except my things. She is pretty good about that (except pillows and socks). She likes to fetch and we don’t have a ton of space to throw things but I throw and she brings it back. I still worry about watching her fly across the hardwood floors but I am working on letting her ‘be a dog’.

She’s also found her way into my bed. I said it wouldn’t happen but after her scuffle at daycare, I brought her into my bed and boom. She’s been there every since. She can’t get up on her own so this is what I see every night.

Let me up, Madre!

And then this is what we get.

ZZZZZZZZZZssssss

Her favorite toy and she has to play with on my lap.

Her other quirks include:

• Licking my armpits (disturbing on many levels)
• Licking my legs as soon as I get home from a run (my neighbors often hear me yelling, don’t lick my legs!!!)
• Low growls for no apparent reason
• Barking when I get her leash out (as if to say, let’s go, now, madre)
• Going low to the ground when I go to pick her up (I suspect she was probably hit at some point so she still freaks if you come at her at that angle)
• Licking her bowl over and over and over – even once the food is all gone – and then licking some more
• Eating spinach leaves off the floor
• Taking her carrots and cucumber slices to the other side of the room to enjoy
• Names she will answer to
  • Jasper Lily
  • Jasperilla (her favorite)
  • Jasperita
  • Jasper
  • Lily-moss (I don’t know how that one came up)

So I can’t wait to see how she does this fall and winter (if that should ever arrive in LA). I am hopeful that she will get cozy in her airline carrier so she can come to Seattle with me over Thanksgiving. She will be boarded for the first time in a couple weeks while I am in Seattle for a wedding and I am hoping she is well-behaved. She doesn’t smile much but when she does, it’s always a delight to see. I can’t imagine NOT having her here. I do feel something akin to love for her and yet I still find myself saying to her, “Shelby never did that”. But Shelby was far from the perfect dog and to see how far along Jasper has come in our short time together makes me really proud of her. I still tell her that I love her in Spanish but I’ve said it in English as well.

So here’s to more adventures with Jasper Lily … with the Spirit of Shelby fur-ever in our hearts and guiding us every step of the way!

Hola Jasper Lily!

Dogs got junk in her trunk! #babygotback

🙂

Jasper Lily has gotten so brave as of late. She’s really filled out (figuratively and literally – I swear that little dog is bigger now). We’ve been going out and about a lot more. She has gotten so brave on our longer walks. I no longer suspect fear when she’s walking rather she walks with determination and purpose. Where Shelby would linger, lollygag, sniff, pee (on everything), Jasper seems intense and on a mission. I don’t know if it’s the working dog in her (more and more I think she’s a Kelpie mix and not a Basenji mix) or how she was trained. She likes to be outside – she likes to go but on her terms.

We’ve been going to the outdoor cinema a lot lately. She does GREAT. She’s friendly with people and other dogs; she’s incredibly social. She always hates the live music pre-show (as do the humans with her) but we cover up her ears and boom – problem solved. She still needs to learn some ‘boundaries’ when we get food from the food trucks (meaning, don’t lick mommy’s french fries). But overall, she does great.

She still acts psycho in the car. She prefers to ride on the floor, almost burying herself under the seats, and shoots me looks of either fear or contempt (I can’t really tell but it’s definitely an intense version of her “resting bitch face”). But she will voluntarily get into my car so I don’t think she’s getting car sick. I’ve put towels, babies, food back there and the reaction is always the same. So I’ve let it go. It may not be how Shelby liked to ride in the car but Jasper isn’t outwardly traumatized as far as I can tell.

I live about 3/4 – 1 a mile from the beach. I also live near LAX airport and the planes take off over the Pacific. We hear these planes by our apt all the time and Jasper never reacts. I love the beach. I always have. My daddy loved the beach and I grew up spending summer months on the coast. ALL of our dogs growing up loved the beach. Dogs are meant to be on the beach. In LA, dogs aren’t allowed (per se) on the beach. We can walk on the bike path but paws off the sand. There is a sanctioned dog beach about 30 min south of me and that was where Shelby and I would go on the weekends. When Shelby got sick, it was harder for her to go that far so I would take her down to a little area of our beach and sit on the sand (not technically allowed but I dared a lifeguard to tell me to get my cancer-ridden dog off the beach when she was just sitting in the shade on a blanket). As many know, that was where Shelby made her eventual transition – on the beach – that she loved.

The beach was incredibly special to me and Shelby. Every Christmas, she would dress up in her annual Christmas outfit and walk along the beach, spreading cheer and holiday love to all. During the year, often we would go down there to sit, listen to the waves, chill, enjoy a sunset or two. After Shelby passed, living as close as I do to the beach, it was hard for to run that bike path that I had walked so often with Shelby. It brought tears instead of joy. But gradually, I have taken back the beach. It is still my sanctuary.

So of course I assumed Jasper Lily would love the beach. Why not? She’s a dog. Dogs love the beach. Well from day one – Jasper has feared the beach. Her eyes go HUGE and her ears stand tall(er). She starts panting up a storm and has her tail between her legs.

Since she had gotten so brave about so many other things, I figured it was time to revisit the beach. Well last night’s trip to the beach was like the others. As soon as she saw the sand, she flipped out. She tried to crawl up the sand wall to get back to where she knew the car was. I got her to walk a bit but she definitely was looking for her exit strategy.  We walked about 1/4 of a mile (if that) and when we turned around, she was even MORE motivated to go. She knew she was going back to the car. But not before we sat on a bench so I could try and figure out what her true fear was. She tried to tunnel under the bench. Despair. Sadness. Disappointment. My new dog hates the beach. She won’t experience all the fun things other dogs do, running through the sand, being outside, making new friends. As she tried to crawl up my leg (I refused to pick her up), I realized that was OK.

Beautiful sunset – petrified dog!

Jasper doesn’t need to love the beach. That was a place that was so special to me AND Shelby (and my father). It was ‘our thing’. Jasper might be trying to tell me (and the Spirit of Shelby too) that it is time to create NEW memories and experiences. I felt a wave of peace come over me. It was like the light bulb went on. Life is about change. Life is about new experiences. The guilt I have felt in bringing Jasper into my life has become a little less. If Jasper and I create new memories and experiences,  it further preserves the eternal bond I had with Shelby. Santa Barbara trips, beach trips, happy hours … that was all stuff I did with Shelby and by trying to do that with Jasper, it felt wrong. It felt like I was ‘cheating’ on the life I had with Shelby. So while Jasper will have some similar experiences as Shelby (Shelby would have loved movie nights), Jasper and I are committed to creating our own memories.

For instance, Jasper loves to run. She’s a good little runner too. She stays in her lane, runs smoothly and evenly. Maybe I can train her to do a 5K with me. Her speed is a good pace (similar to mine, she’s about a sub-8 min/mile) and I think she has the endurance. Shelby was far to schizophrenic of a runner to even consider putting her in a race with other dogs/people.

Also, Jasper also loves to walk – she’s got endurance on her side. Maybe we will try hiking. She isn’t as easily distracted as Shelby was.

Jasper is her own dog and she is showing me that day in and day out. She is becoming more comfortable in her new world and I am proud of her. For a rescue, she has made such significant improvement from day one. Here is a photo of Jasper from the day I brought her home to today.

Our first night home

Jasper Lily today

She’s become a strong, confident girl. I can say I no longer have regrets about bringing her into my home. I truly feel that Shelby guided her to me and that since summer was always a favorite season of mine and Shelby’s, Shelby didn’t want me to be sad this first summer with out her. It’s been a tough summer but a summer filled with wonderful friends, new memories, some tears and lots of smiles!

WOW … has Jasper Lily really been a part of my life for two months? Like Shelby’s passing it feels forever long and forever short. It’s hard to believe that two months ago, on a Tuesday, I was driving to Orange County in rush hour traffic, sitting there, wondering what the hell I was thinking – it was too soon, it was too right, it was too wrong. Like when I got Shelby, I wasn’t prepared. I didn’t have food. I didn’t have a bed. I didn’t have a leash. But I did have all those things but they were Shelby’s things.

It’s been a long two months with Jasper. I had her for a full month before I even told most of my social network. I feared the judgement (the ‘it’s so soon’ or ‘didn’t Shelby just pass away) but none of that happened. I was met with the same love and affection and compassion I got when Shelby passed away. People have welcomed Jasper into their hearts in leaps and bounds. And part of that scared me. Did they think she was cuter than Shelby? Have they forgotten how special Shelby was to me? Or, perhaps, my friends have more capacity to love and open their hearts than I do.

I still keep little Jasper at arm’s length sometimes – however we have gotten much better. We communicate much better. She is less clingy to me (which I needed and love about her). We went to the movies this past weekend; an outdoor cinema, and she was perfect. And dare I say it, better than Shelby would have been? She relaxed quickly and made friends with my friends. I left to go to the bathroom and she didn’t even blink. The only rough patch was when the live band started and she freaked. The music was awful but it was also soooo loud to those dumbo ears. Thankfully, I had her thunder shirt and put a baby around her ears to muffle the sound. Once the movie started, she fell asleep in my arms.

On Sunday, I got her a new bed – probably the first bed that has ever been just hers. She probably always had to share her toys, her beds, her food. She is good at sharing (from what I can tell, no aggression when I take things away from her) but she is super cute and stealth when she walks around the apt picking up a baby and moving it to the other side of the room, gathering them all together. And it took her a bit, to fall in love with her bed (aka not eat it) but she loves her new bed.

And I think she loves her new life. I think she feels more and more settled. She pees a little less when she’s excited. She barks a bit more but will stop when I ask her to. She doesn’t, thankfully, bark for the sake of barking. She also lets off a low growl when I tell her not to bark – not at me but whatever has provoked a bark. Kind of a warning. But honestly, I think if push came to shove, she would run under the bed and hide!

She is a very good little girl and she’s very sweet. She has made a little spot for herself in my heart.  I would be sad if she wasn’t there. Devastated? Probably not. I don’t think I will ever feel that kind of tremendous sadness again. I tell her about her big sister in heaven all the time. And that Shelby looks out for us. And how much I miss Shelby every single day but I thank Shelby for sending me Jasper Lily. Because life is more about the smiles than the tears. Jasper has brought laughter back into the home. I adore that she’s always so happy to see me when I get home (I can hear her whining with excitement as I walk up the stairs). When I wake up and see her little paws and ears looking up at me and her big bushy tail wagging, it makes me happy.

She’s still weird about certain things (riding in the car, cutting corners on our walks, loud sounds) but I suspect this world is still new to her. But to see her outwardly friendly to everyone she meets warms my heart. I think she’s feeling more relaxed, more at home, and more safe and I think she is starting to realize, this is indeed her fur-ever home.

One of my friends reminded me that the heart’s capacity to heal and to love is truly amazing. And that my heart will never fully heal from the loss of my beloved Shelby, I can and will love again. It is true. The affection I have for Jasper is akin to love … but in a completely different way than with Shelby. I do not feel whole (nor do I ever think I will again) but I do feel more at peace and more content. And I feel grateful that I have a new little sidekick to help me through the years until I am reunited with my one true love.  And I believe that Jasper Lily understands her role and understands how much I care for her. She feels safe and secure and that, at the end of the day, is all I ever wanted for this sweet little Mexico-pooch!

Her new bed (and her new babies)

Movie night with Jasper Lily

Chillaxin’ before the movie

The band was simply too loud for her

Resting Bitch Face! Her normal face but I still think it’s adorable!