Jasper Lily at five months

It has been five months since I first met Jasper Lily and welcomed her into my home. A home that I built with Shelby and that have now found the space in my heart and home for new love.

I do wonder if Jasper fully understands that THIS place is HER space and she isn’t going to be discarded, relocated (well maybe if I move but she will be with me) or ignored. Work is hard. The hours are long. But I make time for Jasper – each morning and each night. We have two walks in the morning (and sadly, usually neither walk produces a poop which makes me feel bad for her that she has to sit at home for 8+ hours without a proper poop). Some mornings she even gets a little run. She’s up to two miles now. She’s speedy and moves along at a good clip.

She always seems to be ‘looking over her shoulder’ on her walks. Where Shelby was happy, engaged and friendly, Jasper seems to really take that “working dog” thing to another level. Maybe it is her breed, maybe it is her fears, but she definitely isn’t fun and games on a walk. She tends to ignore most other dogs (which is great since Shelby would do her Ferdinand the Bull impression and try and act like a bad ass).

Jasper LOVES her toys – oh does this girl love her toys. The more fluff, the more squeak, the better. She loves tennis balls too. Such a simple toy but she pulls the fluff off – manically – and the tosses it around the apt. She loves when I will play WITH her but she plays alone pretty well too.

We are still working on “quiet” cuddle time on the couch. It isn’t her preference to be up there with me but now that she has discovered she likes the back of the couch, we can share better.

We picked her out a sweater at the store this weekend for her trip to Seattle in about 10 days. We are flying up (she fits great in her carrier). I am a little nervous about traveling with her but it should be fine. I’ve got some sedatives to make the flight better for her (and her dumbo ears) and she’ll have her toys with her. Considering she likes enclosed, small and tight places, she should really embrace being in a carrier under a seat. Fingers crossed!

She still hates riding in the car BUT she is getting better. She WILL come out from under the console and look around a bit more – sometimes with fear, sometimes with joy. She did love the other night listening to the musical “Cats”. Perhaps it is because she loves to chase cats. It is awful. We cannot go where there are cats – at all. She knows where they all live on our walks and stalks them. Last week, she pulled away from me and got up close and personal with one. By the time I got up there, Jasper was full on flat, submissive and crying. The cat never touched her. I can only assume there was a growl as the cat stood its ground.

Jasper’s low growls are becoming less and less – still freaks me out when she bolts out of a room and hides under my bed. She did ‘zoomies’ this a.m. under the bed and came out the other side. There isn’t that much space under my bed as I store things there but I guess it’s like an obstacle course for her. When work dies down a bit, I want to see about getting her in some agility classes. Daycare has been great for her.

I do love Jasper Lily. I really do. But I do not feel the same “love” that I felt for Shelby. One of my friends remarked to me over the weekend that she found it interesting that I still grieve so hard for Shelby and yet I seem happy with Jasper. I definitely think there is a part of my heart and soul that feels guilt and disloyal to Shelby. Not that I think our love story will ever be diminished by my new fur-baby but that it is taking longer for the heart to catch up to the mind. There is no doubt that Shelby sent me Jasper to bring me smiles and comfort me (however, Jasper still sucks at comforting tears). Shelby remains my heart dog, my soul mate, my one true love. But Jasper isn’t trying to compete with that. Jasper has her own baggage that she has brought into this relationship and while I don’t know what all her baggage is, it is deep and it is thick. And I love to see her breaking down her little walls. It saddens me when she’s playing and trying to get me to play with her and I do and she goes flat on her belly – ears back, tail between her legs – like I am going to hurt her. My hope for her is that one day, she will relax, even if just for an hour, and realize the world isn’t as scary as she thinks it is and let herself fully embrace life. But until then, I’ll keep showing her affection, giving her as much love as I can and taking care of her and giving her the best possible life she could ever want.

Safety First! Lights for my black dog!

Snoozy girl in her fleece jacket!

Frog legs … I love how she stretches like this! This is my favorite pose for her.

Jasper says “What, Madre, no beuno on the top of the couch”??? Shelby used to do this and it make me crazy cause she would smoosh all the pillows.

Dog Park Fun!

Snoozy Jasper Lily …. I love that she sleeps with her ears up – always.