Jasper Lily’s incessant fear of the beach

Jasper Lily has gotten so brave as of late. She’s really filled out (figuratively and literally – I swear that little dog is bigger now). We’ve been going out and about a lot more. She has gotten so brave on our longer walks. I no longer suspect fear when she’s walking rather she walks with determination and purpose. Where Shelby would linger, lollygag, sniff, pee (on everything), Jasper seems intense and on a mission. I don’t know if it’s the working dog in her (more and more I think she’s a Kelpie mix and not a Basenji mix) or how she was trained. She likes to be outside – she likes to go but on her terms.

We’ve been going to the outdoor cinema a lot lately. She does GREAT. She’s friendly with people and other dogs; she’s incredibly social. She always hates the live music pre-show (as do the humans with her) but we cover up her ears and boom – problem solved. She still needs to learn some ‘boundaries’ when we get food from the food trucks (meaning, don’t lick mommy’s french fries). But overall, she does great.

She still acts psycho in the car. She prefers to ride on the floor, almost burying herself under the seats, and shoots me looks of either fear or contempt (I can’t really tell but it’s definitely an intense version of her “resting bitch face”). But she will voluntarily get into my car so I don’t think she’s getting car sick. I’ve put towels, babies, food back there and the reaction is always the same. So I’ve let it go. It may not be how Shelby liked to ride in the car but Jasper isn’t outwardly traumatized as far as I can tell.

I live about 3/4 – 1 a mile from the beach. I also live near LAX airport and the planes take off over the Pacific. We hear these planes by our apt all the time and Jasper never reacts. I love the beach. I always have. My daddy loved the beach and I grew up spending summer months on the coast. ALL of our dogs growing up loved the beach. Dogs are meant to be on the beach. In LA, dogs aren’t allowed (per se) on the beach. We can walk on the bike path but paws off the sand. There is a sanctioned dog beach about 30 min south of me and that was where Shelby and I would go on the weekends. When Shelby got sick, it was harder for her to go that far so I would take her down to a little area of our beach and sit on the sand (not technically allowed but I dared a lifeguard to tell me to get my cancer-ridden dog off the beach when she was just sitting in the shade on a blanket). As many know, that was where Shelby made her eventual transition – on the beach – that she loved.

The beach was incredibly special to me and Shelby. Every Christmas, she would dress up in her annual Christmas outfit and walk along the beach, spreading cheer and holiday love to all. During the year, often we would go down there to sit, listen to the waves, chill, enjoy a sunset or two. After Shelby passed, living as close as I do to the beach, it was hard for to run that bike path that I had walked so often with Shelby. It brought tears instead of joy. But gradually, I have taken back the beach. It is still my sanctuary.

So of course I assumed Jasper Lily would love the beach. Why not? She’s a dog. Dogs love the beach. Well from day one – Jasper has feared the beach. Her eyes go HUGE and her ears stand tall(er). She starts panting up a storm and has her tail between her legs.

Since she had gotten so brave about so many other things, I figured it was time to revisit the beach. Well last night’s trip to the beach was like the others. As soon as she saw the sand, she flipped out. She tried to crawl up the sand wall to get back to where she knew the car was. I got her to walk a bit but she definitely was looking for her exit strategy.  We walked about 1/4 of a mile (if that) and when we turned around, she was even MORE motivated to go. She knew she was going back to the car. But not before we sat on a bench so I could try and figure out what her true fear was. She tried to tunnel under the bench. Despair. Sadness. Disappointment. My new dog hates the beach. She won’t experience all the fun things other dogs do, running through the sand, being outside, making new friends. As she tried to crawl up my leg (I refused to pick her up), I realized that was OK.

Beautiful sunset – petrified dog!

Jasper doesn’t need to love the beach. That was a place that was so special to me AND Shelby (and my father). It was ‘our thing’. Jasper might be trying to tell me (and the Spirit of Shelby too) that it is time to create NEW memories and experiences. I felt a wave of peace come over me. It was like the light bulb went on. Life is about change. Life is about new experiences. The guilt I have felt in bringing Jasper into my life has become a little less. If Jasper and I create new memories and experiences,  it further preserves the eternal bond I had with Shelby. Santa Barbara trips, beach trips, happy hours … that was all stuff I did with Shelby and by trying to do that with Jasper, it felt wrong. It felt like I was ‘cheating’ on the life I had with Shelby. So while Jasper will have some similar experiences as Shelby (Shelby would have loved movie nights), Jasper and I are committed to creating our own memories.

For instance, Jasper loves to run. She’s a good little runner too. She stays in her lane, runs smoothly and evenly. Maybe I can train her to do a 5K with me. Her speed is a good pace (similar to mine, she’s about a sub-8 min/mile) and I think she has the endurance. Shelby was far to schizophrenic of a runner to even consider putting her in a race with other dogs/people.

Also, Jasper also loves to walk – she’s got endurance on her side. Maybe we will try hiking. She isn’t as easily distracted as Shelby was.

Jasper is her own dog and she is showing me that day in and day out. She is becoming more comfortable in her new world and I am proud of her. For a rescue, she has made such significant improvement from day one. Here is a photo of Jasper from the day I brought her home to today.

Our first night home

Jasper Lily today

She’s become a strong, confident girl. I can say I no longer have regrets about bringing her into my home. I truly feel that Shelby guided her to me and that since summer was always a favorite season of mine and Shelby’s, Shelby didn’t want me to be sad this first summer with out her. It’s been a tough summer but a summer filled with wonderful friends, new memories, some tears and lots of smiles!