Jasper Lily at one month

Wow… a month already?!? I cannot believe Jasper Lily has been under my care for one whole month. I still remember a month ago at this time, preparing for the two hour drive to Orange County to meet Jasper (aka Julia, aka Coyoyita). As I was driving there I do remember an intense feeling of dread and apprehension. What was I doing? It was all too soon. Shelby had only been gone for three months. What was I thinking? But when I met Jasper and she came to me, with her own apprehension, I knew that perhaps I should give her a shot. I didn’t expect them to send her home with me that day. I thought we were just going to “meet”. When they said, do you want to try her out … I wondered when I had to bring her back. There was no return date. She was mine. I wrote the check, collected her food and thus began our journey to where we are today.

I can’t say it’s been easy. I am still up and down with my emotions surrounding Jasper. I see old photos and videos of Shelby and can’t help but think, what a happy dog Shelby was. Shelby was ALWAYS happy. Even when she was being a royal PITA, she was a happy girl. I still can’t always tell when Jasper is happy. Her ears are almost always “up” so that isn’t an indicator. She goes low to the ground sometimes when I come near her and try and snuggle (like  I am going to hit her which I don’t ).

She is fiercely independent, like Shelby was. However, unlike Shelby, she LOVES her crate. She loves her safe space. She loves to hang out in there and goes to it when we are just hanging out at home, the two of us together. I can get her to come snuggle on the couch but it appears her default resting place is the crate. But only if she goes in there on her own. If I put her in there and close the door, crying starts when I leave the apt.

She does like to play, as they said she did. She plays alone. She loves her stuffies (babies) and her antler bones. She will devour a pig’s ear in about 45 minutes. She is extremely food motivated (like my Shelby). She LIVES for her meal times. She is a hearty eater and never food aggressive.

She likes her routine. Probably from years of being shuffled around from home to home, she is definitely routine oriented. She likes to walk the same route each morning for her walk. When I mix it up, she doesn’t do her business properly.

She is definitely a hunting breed. Anything that moves, she wants to chase, cyclists, cats (ALWAYS), birds, leaves. It is something that I am very aware of and keep her on a tight leash. I doubt, at this point, she will ever be an off-leash dog. But Shelby was about 8 or 9 before I trusted her off a leash around me.

She is a good little sleeper. She sleeps soundly. She loves her rest. She plays hard and rests hard.

She is trying. And I can say that I, too, am trying. I am not madly in love with her. I didn’t expect to be. She does a lot of things that make me smile and make me laugh but she’s not (nor will she ever be nor do I expect her to be, Shelby). I miss my Shelby girl so much. Last summer, it was me and Shelby. I have looked at old videos of Shelby and what a happy girl she was. I have been slowly announcing Jasper Lily to more and more friends.

I still fear so much the big reveal since I fear that means that Shelby is no longer the apple of my eye, the love of my life, the best thing that ever happened to me. I know, on a rational level, that the section of my heart that is devoted to Shelby will never shrink. I do feel sorry for Jasper that she lives with the “ghost of Shelby” everywhere. But I also hope that by announcing Jasper, I will feel free again and less like I am living a lie. There is a part of me that thinks that if I don’t announce Jasper, then she isn’t real and she is temporary until I am with Shelby again. Like she’s a place-holder in my life. And that isn’t fair to Jasper. She deserves so much more than that. So I am trying to find some strength and some courage to announce my new fur-baby! Hoping that Shelby sends me her strength! And that Shelby knows that just because I introduce Miss Jasper does not mean that my love or grief for her has changed in the slightest.

I think it boils down to the harshest critic in all of this is ME. As usual, I am my own worst enemy! But I do adore Jasper … for all her little quirks and I see more and more of her personality coming through. And think while she might not show me that she is happy, I think she feels content, peaceful and safe. And that is the best that we can hope for right now. We will find our groove. Love at first sight so rarely exists outside of the movies. So right now, Jasper and I will settle for a comfortable happiness, together.

“madre de galletas por favor” – (mommy, cookie please)

Beach is getting a little less scary

Buenos días, Madre!

Oh Jasper Lily… how can you sleep like that?