Introducing Jasper Lily
With my heart still raw with emotions, I am putting my toes back in the water of this thing called “dog ownership”. At first, I figured I would just volunteer for a rescue so I could be around dogs and feel fur between my fingers. Then I started to look on Petfinder and Adopt-a-Pet websites. I kept getting drawn to dogs that looked like my sweet Shelby Lynne (who passed away April 8, 2014). Shelby was my beloved best friend, my soul mate, my “heart dog”. My reason for getting up in the morning. My reason for everything. I missed her more than words could ever express and while I knew/know that NO dog will ever come close, I couldn’t fathom a life without a dog.
After meeting a very sweet girl who looked like a bigger version of Shelby, it dawned on me that I couldn’t rescue a pooch that at all looked like Shelby. One morning, on a run, I saw a cute little dog with black fur and brown/tan eyebrows. I knew that was the kind of dog I needed to find. So I redirected my focus and on those websites, you can search by ‘colors’. Nothing ever popped up. More and more dogs that looked like Shelby.
Then Monday, “Julia” showed up. She was adorable in all her photos. She was listed as being house-broken, a year old, and very loving, happy, eager to please. In order to meet her, you had to fill out an application. I filled out that application three times before I hit ‘submit’. Then I felt a mixture of excitement and trepidation. The website said it would be up to 48 hours before I heard anything. I got home Monday evening and had an email – “Julia” wanted to meet me and we sounded like a perfect fit. I burst into tears but they were happy tears. I asked Shelby was to do. I asked her, begged her to send me a sign. I wrote them back, shaking, that she was beautiful and I would love to meet her. She was located in Orange County which is about an hour south of Los Angeles. I would meet her Tuesday evening.
I couldn’t sleep Monday night. I was riddled with excitement. Was I going to bring my new fur-baby home? What did that look like? As I left the office and drove the long drive to meet her, I felt riddled with guilt. What was I doing? It was too soon. It’s only been 10 weeks since Shelby left this earth. Did it mean that I didn’t love Shelby as much as I thought I did? I couldn’t back out now. That would be rude. I said, I’ll drive to meet her but there is no way they will just send her off with me. As I arrived at the business park where she was, I saw her peeking out the window. The rescue org came out with me and we sat and we talked.
Julia is guesstimated to be about 1 1/2 years old. She is a Basenji mix. She doesn’t bark. She is house-trained. She was rescued from a dog hoarding situation in Mexico about 2 months prior. She was just put up on the rescue site because she was severely malnourished when they rescued her. But she was in pretty good condition so they didn’t think she had been in the hoarding house (with up to 40 dogs) for very long. Where had she been prior? No one knows. So in her short life, she has probably, most likely, lived on the streets or been a rescue (as hoarders tend to rescue dogs thinking they are ‘helping’), then to a house with 40 dogs in God knows what kind of conditions, to a rescue home with 7 other dogs and now to my home. What a life.
She took to me right away which, considering what her life has been, was a good sign. She wanted to be loved. She wants to give love. They asked if I wanted to take her for a trial basis and I agreed. I paid the adoption fee and said when do I bring her back. They said she is mine UNLESS I change my mind and there will be no judgement if it doesn’t work out. As I drove away with my new dog, I kept thinking, what the heck have I done. What would Shelby say. She did well in the car. She is incredibly insecure and submissive in her demeanor.
But she made herself at home. She followed me everywhere. I tried to love and cuddle her as much as I could but found it hard. There are photos of Shelby on every wall in my house. My home smells like Shelby since I haven’t had anything cleaned since she left this earth. I am sure Julia who was promptly renamed Jasper Lily, knows that there was another dog there at some recent point and that perhaps she was ill. Perhaps she knows that other dog has passed on. I gave her some old toys of Shelby’s that I didn’t really care about and she played with them. She is crate trained yet peed in her crate (and on my bed). So much for being house-broken.
She eats well but like a lady (unlike Shelby who would scarf her food). She eats a bit and then goes off to play and goes back to her food. She wants to play and plays well on her own. When I try to play with her on the floor, she gets very submissive and I wonder if she was hit. She cuddles and definitely wants to be touching me all the time. Shelby didn’t do much of that until the near end. Shelby was content to be in the same room with me.
As I sit here today and try and think back to my first few weeks/nights with Shelby, I struggle to remember what that looked like. I don’t think I loved her off the bat but maybe I did. I know she made me bat crazy by being a holy terror. Jasper wants nothing more than to please me. I don’t love her. I don’t feel anything for her. I like her cause she’s a dog and she’s cute enough. It frustrates me that she won’t potty outside. Shelby and I had the best routine. I can’t remember a time when we weren’t 100% in-sync but I know that since Shelby was a rescue too, we had our ups and downs. But I didn’t write it down. So that is why I have started a blog for Jasper. If she remains with me (and that is still a very big IF), then I want to remember her life from the beginning of our journey.
She does do some cute things; she will stand up on her back legs like a meerkat. She likes to take socks and run across the room. She likes to beg but doesn’t really want what I am eating. She poses when she walks – she will stand with one foot poised in the air while she takes in the surroundings. She does not make any sounds – none. She smiles. She wags her tail and is happy to play on her own. She has gone after my feather boas in the house several times and come out with a mouth full of feathers.
We’ve barely known each other 24 hours and I have been at work all day. I don’t long to get home to her. In fact, part of me wants to go home and be alone but that’s not my reality anymore. I feel incredibly out of sorts and all kinds of crazy right now. I feel like I took a dozen steps backwards in my emotional healing with Shelby’s loss. I wish so much I had a crystal ball or could talk to Shelby and have her tell me if I did the right thing. I judge myself – and my love for Shelby since I was able to welcome a new fur-baby into the home so soon.
So I will keep her a week, at least, and see how I feel. There is so much I don’t know and I hate feeling out of sorts and the dread that comes with that. And how uncomfortable in general I feel right now. It just doesn’t feel right. But it doesn’t feel wrong either. It feels different and not in a good way. But I hope that Shelby will continue to be the amazing guardian angel dog that she is and send me signs. It’s hard because everyone tells me what a ‘special dog’ Shelby was. Those are some big paws to live up to! But Jasper will find her own. She is clearly a loving dog and friendly to everyone and about 20 pounds so on paper, she has met my minimum criteria. I am hopeful my heart will open itself up to her as well.
Jasper Lily Day 1
My oh my, what big ears you have!
Play
Getting to know each other
Give it time Alison, give it time. I think a tiny part of us holds back scared to get too close because we now know that we can get our hearts broken. I do not think that I have ever gotten a new dog that I did not think at some point in the beginning, what the heck have I done. You 2 will find your own routine together. try doing some new things with her. Don’t expect to “love” her right away. Those feelings take time. The potty stuff, I wonder if she was punished for peeing. That can make them afraid to pee in front of someone. Don’t feel disloyal to Shelby by getting another Furbaby. It is a testament to the love you shared with her to give another pup a home. Thinking of you! Love from Lori and TY
June 18th, 2014 at 9:56 pmThank you Lori! We are trying for sure. Well, I am. She seems very happy and comfortable here. I do agree, my phobia of getting hurt again, stands in my way so much and that is probably a lot of what’s going on here. I like her a little bit more tonight. 🙂 She’s just so darn cute … she’s not Shelby but her personality is coming through and she’s a bit more bat crazy which clearly I thrive on! XOXO Lots of love to you!
June 19th, 2014 at 12:29 amGrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I had a whole book typed out and this silly thing wouldn’t post it and I lost it.
Lets see if I can remember (getting old) LOL
Alison, Jasper is a very cute little dog 🙂 Thank you for rescuing her. Her following you is a good thing. You have to allow yourself to feel for her. I know it’s really really hard. Jasper doesn’t care if there was another dog there or not. To be quite honest I never cleaned anything from Sassy. Bosch is still in our home and it gave him some comfort too.
You have to allow her to find her personality with you just like Shebly did. Try not compare her to Shelby (harder done than said, I know. Been there.) Ask Karma, I would go into the chat and say Snickers just isn’t Sassy. Everything she did I compared (sometimes it still slips out) They kept saying Snickers is Snickers & Sassy is Sassy. Each one has their own personalities. I kept thinking I just wanted my Sassy back. I gave it more time and Snickers is in my heart too but there will only be ONE Sassy Sugar Bear no matter how much I try to mold Ms SnickersDoodle Bear into her.
The peeing situation been there. I wanted Snickers to sleep with me just like Sassy did (from day one.) So I did that with Snickers. First night went great. Then on she peed in the bed. I got to the point I put puppy pads all over my bed that is how desperate I was to make her “just like Sassy” (not saying you are doing that just me). We finally got it figured out. Snickers likes to sleep on the floor then get into the bed in the middle of the night so that is what she does now.
Some of Jasper’s peeing is from fear. Let her get comfortable she will. She already sees something in you if she is following you all over. Uncomfortable is a natural thing. You feel like you are cheating on Shelby (well, at least I felt like that). You will get there. Its early in this and if you didn’t feel a connection at all you wouldn’t have brought her home (yes HOME). Get comfortable with her. Take her for walks/runs with you. Do fun things. She will adjust
Remember she doesn’t know what getting 100% of the attention is like. Don’t judge yourself. It was a little over 2 months when I brought Snickers & Jazz home. It was hard and yes I cried. Don’t feel like its not normal. You still miss Shelby. If it wasn’t right Alison, Shelby would have told you that day. Just like with the other.
Keep your chin up & give yourself a chance to bond with Jasper. You will (and don’t set time limits) Each furbaby is their own personality give her time to show you hers. 🙂
Hugs & lots of Love
Michelle & Angel Sassy
(oh by the way I think the 1st one was alot better than this LOL)
June 18th, 2014 at 10:42 pmMichelle,
I cannot thank you enough for sharing your story and your insightful post. You articulated a lot of what I am thinking and feeling. I do feel like a total cheater.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me. It helps. Really it does. I think it helps to know what I am feeling is 100% normal adn to be expected. My mom also pointed out that while I grew up with dogs, Shelby was my first dog as an adult. We grew up together. It’s a bond that will never be broken and so it’s natural to make comparisons.
I am seeing a lot more of her personality tonight (she’s a little bat crazy which is good) and definitely a handful for 18 – 20 pounds!!!
The peeing thing will need to be fixed for sure. I’ll get her puppy pads if the vet suggests it – at least she didn’t poop in the house.
She is darling and everyone who sees or meets her thinks she is interesting, cool and wonderful … that was important to me since everyone thought Shelby was the ultimate rockstar. Big paws to fill but I think, with time, Jasper will find her way into my heart. With lots of love!
June 19th, 2014 at 12:34 amAlison,
I read this entire post crying…I dont really know why. I could just feel all your emotions. Thank you for being so honest with us. I know I cant put myself in your shoes, but I will share my mom’s experience with you.
We lost our Basha 2 1/2 years ago. She was our toy poodle, the family dog, the best dog we’ve ever had. She was 17 when she passed, so she lived a great life. My mother swore when we lost her she would never get another dog. My mom had dogs her entire life, but this loss, well it just broke her heart.
Cut to one year after our Bashy passed. My dad needed a dog in the house again and we got him little Belle for his 60th birthday. Everytime I would call home I would ask my mom how she was and she would say “oh shes so cute and so sweet, but I just cant bond to her”. This went on for a while. To this day I dont know if my mom was just heartbroken or felt guilty but she just kept saying it.
We’ve now had Belle for almost 2 years and her and my mom are inseparable. It just took time. I’m not saying Jasper Lily is THE one (though I think she is ;), but just give it time, let her in, focus on teaching her how to learn how to be loved. What you did for her is as us jews say, a mitzvah. Focus on that. Besides those first pets or other special situations, its very rare to have an immediate bond. You will get there.
For now, keep on sharing pictures 🙂
xoxo,
June 19th, 2014 at 2:35 amErica & Jill
Very insightful blog and repies from everyone. I realky have nothi g to add otner than SHE IS ADORABLE!!!!
A d I think Shelb is se ding yoj signs! This little girl is following yo around saying, “Shelby sent me! Shelby sent me!” Yo felt drawn to her…that’s Shelby working her magic! Shelby wants yo tohave companionship! Shelby wants yo to have a “distractin” from grief
I applaud yet again for yor candor and honesty Yo are “facing yojr fears” and ridding yorself from those chains that are preve ting yo from openig up your heart. Open that sucker up and watch Jasper Lily jump in! She’ll accept tat you are “liking her a little bit more”…..it’s probably more care than she’s ever had!
Look forward to more adventures with Jasper Lily! Great name!
Much llove!
Sally and Happy Hannah
June 19th, 2014 at 2:51 amJasper Lily is such a cute little dog…those ears and eyes are just beautiful. It sounds like Jasper Lily has been through a lot in her short life that she’s dealing with while you’re still feeling the grief of losing Shelby. All I can say is to give it time and I’m sure both your hearts will open toward the other. I had a hard time accepting my Leland after our first dog Lucky passed. And I can’t say for sure when it happened that my heart opened up to Leland but I can say I love him just as much as I loved Lucky. It’s not that I love one more than the other as they each are different in their appearance and personality.
I’m sure you’ll find your way with Jasper Lily and no doubt with the help of your beloved Shelby.
Sahana & Leland
June 19th, 2014 at 1:10 pm